January 31, 2006

Lettuce anyone?

It’s time to put your manuscript on a diet. Cinch your belt as tight as you can and let’s self-edit.

What’s self-edit? It means you eliminate all the fat, all the extra words that don’t move the story forward, and all the passive words bogging down your scenes.

REUNDANCIES are unnecessary words over describing an action.

The following are examples and if you look hard you’re bound to find several in your work.

• David pulled out the bench and sat down in the chair.
The word ‘down’ is unnecessary because that’s the only way David could sit.

• David jumped up. OR David stood up.
‘Up’ is unnecessary because, again, that’s the only way he could go.

• Melissa shrugged her shoulders.
I love this one because it eliminates two words, ‘her shoulders’. What else could Melissa shrug?

• Melissa loved to see David’s well-toned chest and how it tapered down to his narrow waist.
‘Well’ and ‘down’ go. The sentence should read;
Melissa loved to see David’s toned chest and how it tapered to his narrow waist.
The corrected version is cleaner and right to the point.

A few other examples are;

• Blue in color
• Climbed up the stairs
• Eased slowly
• Nodded his head
• Stomped heavily
• Stood to his full height
• Terribly bad

PASSIVE WORDS are used in our speech but should never be used in writing. You’re telling a story and must keep the action moving. These words are showing not telling.

• Is
• Might
• Seemed
• Started to
• Was
• Were

Readers want action therefore you must construct your sentences with powerful verbs.

The same reasoning applies to ADVERBS and ADJECTIVES. The following is but a small select and offer little to help paint a picture.

• A little
• Almost
• Even
• Just
• Perhaps
• So
• Some
• Very
• When

Most, if not all, adverbs and adjectives weaken your writing and need to be eliminated from your story.

PREPOSITIONS are not your best friend. Go through your work and highlight every preposition, including prepositional phrases. If you have an abundance you must clear them out to create stronger sentences.

THAT is a word we seldom need in a sentence. Its filler and a word you need to eliminate from your writing and your vocabulary.

The Best Tip of the Day;

Do a word search to discover how many times you’ve used a specific word. Reread your sentence and replace the overused word with something stronger.

Friday we’ll discuss dialogue. Until then…

Happy writing!
Sloane

January 30, 2006

We’ll have Caviar to go with that Champagne!

When a friend gets great news it makes everyone’s day better.

Jeanne Laws, Passionate Ink Editor, has received a contract from Loose-Id for her exciting book “Animal Dreams”. And here’s the best part; Loose-Id is interested in all three books in the trilogy.

Congratulations, Jeanne, I’m proud to know you.

Sloane

January 27, 2006

Chapter Setting

What the hell is that and where does this broad come up with these phrases?

Well, this broad will tell you what it’s not. Chapter setting is not the grace and charm you display as you lay your manuscript into yet another unsuspecting friend’s hands.

Chapter Setting is where you break the chapter and determine its best location within your manuscript.

As you well know, every adult book has chapters. You, as the author, get to decide how many there will be, how they begin and end, and the placement of each chapter. You, as the writer, have to create such an impact on your reader that they want to turn the page.

I had one chapter in Teddi Turns On that had 8,843 good, edited, words. My critique partners, Beth Anderson and Yasmine Phoenix, listened patiently as I read every single one of those words. Did I mention their eyes glazed over about half way through the diatribe?

“Too long?” asked I.
“Aahh,” they muttered between yawns and stretching.

I didn’t need the infamous 2×4 to get the hint.

We went through that chapter, line by line, scene by scene, to determine the best point to break. It turned out to be a logical scene where the chapter went from one point of view to another. Simple enough but there’s more to chapter setting.

Every chapter ending must make the reader want to continue, excite them enough to want to find out what happens.

Here’s a little sample;

Gina was tormented with indecision. She tossed and turned, twisting the sheets into a knot, until she finally rolled over and fell asleep.

Make you want to turn the page? Not hardly. Why should your reader go any further? Gina slept. End of story. The reader will probably toss your hard work into the fire and bitch about the $10.00 they wasted. Will they buy another book written by you? Not likely.

End every chapter with a cliff-hanger. You can’t? You’re going to let chapter 15 slide? Guess you don’t want to be published let alone aim for the best seller list.

How about a slight alteration to our example?

Gina was tormented with indecision. She tossed and turned, twisting the sheets into knots.

Better, not great, but at least it’s heading in the right direction.

In my humble opinion, the best ending is;

Gina was tormented with indecision.

Now your reader wants to find out what the indecision is and how Gina handled it.

Tease your reader. They’ll flip the page with the hope of discovering the resolution.

Surprise! You’ve taunted them again by inserting a chapter that doesn’t give the conclusion. Instead it’s a new chapter, in another character’s point of view, about a totally different phase of the book. The reader may have to continue for another forty pages to discover Gina’s outcome. And they’ll love you for it.

You must withhold the information from the reader. It’s the old carrot and horse thing. You can’t let go of the carrot until the timing is right.

This is the time in your novel writing to go through your manuscript and make sure;

• chapters are ended in the correct spot
• each chapter is a cliff-hanger
• chapter placement is timely to your story

I’ll be back on Tuesday with Tighten the Writing. Until then…

Happy writing!
Sloane

January 24, 2006

To Comma, or not to Comma, that is the question.

Webster says a comma is a punctuation mark, used especially as a mark of separation within a sentence. Doesn’t that definition just clear it all up for you? If so, you’re lucky because it never did for me. Back to my Writer’s Bible, “The Elements of Style”.

Here’s the skinny; there are seven comma rules. We’ll take them out of order for simplicity.

1 – Dates are written as;

• Jan. 24, 2006.
• 24 Jan. 2006.
In the second example no comma is used.

2 – In a series of three or more terms with a single conjunction, the commas are placed as follows;

• I enjoy tennis, skiing, and books.
• Jason, Fred, and Esther went to the farm.

You can’t drop the last comma. I don’t know, maybe the Punctuation Police force you to repeat English 101 for eternity if you do.

The exception is if you’re writing a business name. The last comma is omitted.

• Jefferson, Clemmons, Blake and Company

3 – Use a comma before and/or after a proper name or place;

• “Hi, John.”
• “Hey, John, did you see the dog?”
• Munich, Germany

4 - A comma is inserted before a conjunction introducing an independent clause;

• She was in a situation which should have scared the hell out of her, but didn’t.
• In no time the airplane landed, and the passengers clapped with joy.

5 – Don’t use a comma to join independent clauses. If the clauses are grammatically complete and not joined by a conjunction, it’s the semicolon’s time to come out and play.

• It is nearly half past five; we cannot reach town before dark.

6 – Don’t break sentences in two. Meaning, don’t use periods when you should use a comma. “The Elements of Style” have the best examples;

• I met them on a Cunard liner many years ago. Coming home from Liverpool.
• She was an interesting talker. A woman who had traveled all over the world and lived in half a dozen countries.

The sentences don’t make sense as written. In both examples a comma should replace the first period.

If you want more dramatic effect in your sentence do the following;

• He yanked the cell phone from his pocket and punched in the number. The phone range. No one answered.

Don’t use the above example often in your story, it has a choppy effect and the editor won’t like it. Clipped sentences, as the above example, are more often used in dialogue.

7 – Enclose parenthetic expressions between commas. A parenthetic expression is a word, phrase, or sentence inserted in a passage to explain or modify the thought. Again from “The Elements of Style”;

• The best way to see the country, unless you are pressed for time, is to travel on foot.

In a nutshell here’s how it works for the author;

• The eight rules are standard and must be followed so you look like a professional writer.
• Beth Anderson taught me to listen to the flow of the words. Use the commas when you need the reader to pause and give them a little time to prepare for what’s next.
• Use common sense. As you apply the rules they will become second nature.

Next on our list is Setting the Chapter. I’ll be back on Friday to explain my technique.

Until then…

Happy writing!
Sloane

January 23, 2006

!?-.:; = ARGH

“The Elements of Style” by Wm. Strunk Jr. and E.B. White is a must for any writer. I don’t get royalties on it, but I without it I won’t get royalties. I strongly suggest you buy a copy.

We all know a period is the mark at the end of a declarative sentence or an abbreviation and a question mark is used at the end of a sentence to indicate a direct question or inquiry.

But there are other punctuation marks which may be a bit confusing. Today we’ll try to clear it up.

The common usage of QUOTATION MARKS is in dialogue;

“Martin can you swim to the other side?” asked Leslie.

If the quotation is the direct object of a verb it’s preceded by a comma and enclosed in quotations marks;

Mark Twain says, “A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.”

The EXCLAMATION POINT is a punctuation used after and interjection or exclamation. Be sure to use it sparingly in your writing. It’s very jarring to see a multitude of ! on a page.

Not too long ago I had to review a category romance by an established author. The story was excellent, but the exclamation points drove me crazy. Every page in the first chapter had a minimum of fifteen irritating !. I was not a happy reader. Over-usage of exclamation points loses their effect and really piss off a reviewer.

APOSTROPHES show possession no matter what the final consonant;

Claus’s problem
Benny’s bicycle

Hers, its, theirs, yours, and ours do not need an apostrophe. But you do need the punctuation for;

somebody else’s dish
one’s livelihood

Be careful when writing it’s the possessive or it’s the contraction;

Its author is well-known.
It’s the hottest new book on the shelf.

PARENTHESES are used around a word, phrase, or sentence inserted in a passage to explain or modify a thought. The following examples are taken from “The Elements of Style”;

I went to her house yesterday (my third attempt to see her), but she had left town.
He declares (and why should we doubt his good faith?) that he is now certain of success.

In my writing I avoid all use of parentheses for two reasons.

• I don’t like the look of the completed sentence.
• I don’t really understand why a comma wouldn’t be used in example one.

To work around my dilemma, I rewrite the sentences to work with the punctuations I know and love.

A DASH is a stronger punctuation make than the comma and should also be used with discretion. It does give your reader a longer pause to gather their thoughts before you impart a pertinent phrase. Again from “The Elements of Style”;

Violence – the kind you see on television – is not honestly violent – there in lies its harm.

Using commas or writing as separate sentences doesn’t give the same dramatic effect as the dash. You must use it sparingly or the effect is lost.

Webster’s definition of the SEMICOLON was about as good as the horrid chop suey I made for dinner last Saturday. So it was back to “The Elements of Style” for a clear understanding;

If two or more clauses grammatically complete and not joined by a conjunction are to form a single compound sentence, the proper mark of punctuation is a semicolon.

Mary Shelley’s works are entertaining; they are full of engaging ideas.

It is nearly half past five; we cannot reach town before dark.

Both examples could be written as two separate sentences.

You can also use a comma in place of a semicolon if a conjunction is used;

Mary Shelley’s works are entertaining, for they are full of engaging ideas.

It is nearly half past five, and we cannot reach town before dark.

Romance writing is mood type writing. We are creating a world of love and beauty as it pertains to our hero and heroine. Therefore semicolons seem stark and/or jarring on the page.

Next up is the COLON. Sorry not the organ, which I understand much better. This colon thing is another form of punctuation I avoid as much as a drunk at a bar.

According to “The Elements of Style”;

A colon tells the reader that what follows is closely related to the preceding clause. The colon has more effect than the comma, less power to separate than the semicolon, and more formality than the dash. It usually follows an independent clause and should not separate a verb from its complement or a preposition from its object.

Incorrect
Your dedicated whittler requires: a knife, a piece of wood, and a back porch.

Correct
Your dedicated whittler requires three props: a knife, a piece of wood, and a back porch.

For me a colon means REWRITE.

The last punctuation mark is the comma. In my humble opinion this much used symbol deserves its own lecture. Tomorrow we’ll uncover the mystery; To comma, or not to comma, that is the question.

Until then…

Happy writing!
Sloane