ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 12, 2006 | Characters

And the crowd goes wild as the hunky announcer in his form fitting tuxedo struts around the ring.

“In this corner,” he said, waving to his right, “We have the Mentor, weighing in at 123 pounds.”

With a sharp turn to his left, “And in this corner, the Lover, weighing in at 215 pounds.

And the crowd goes wild.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you, is this a fair match? The announcers think not.”

The boxers approach the center of the ring, each confident their opinion is accurate and prepared to give it their best shot.

While the referee is issuing the rules of the match our internet announcers will tell us the qualifications of each contender.

Lonnie: “The Mentor, Beth Anderson, is an award-winning, bestselling author, who writes suspense / murder mysteries. She has taught our Author, Sloane, everything she knows. The odds are in the Mentor’s favor 3 to 1.”

Wolfe: “Very true, Lonnie, but the Lover, Studly Dooright, is a man and let me point out – a man’s man. We can not discount his experience of living in a man’s body for 50 years.”

Lonnie: “That’s one good reason why he’ll lose this match. The other is that the Lover reads only non-fiction. As a Marine, Studs is partial to any military-type books and movies. It’s not looking good for him.”

Wolfe: “You forget Lonnie, the Mentor is not a romance writer. The gossip around the locker room is that she does not feel qualified to advice on this particular novel.”

Lonnie: “It’s the same for the Lover. He wants to see this book written, hopefully before deadline. He’s given our little Author a daily quota of 1,000 words, seven days a week, and still expects her to follow through on her other obligations. An impossible task if she can’t get this first scene down to her satisfaction. Or for the contenders either, I’d like to add.”

Wolfe: “Sloane has to work harder. No procrastination, as is her normal practice. Both the Mentor and the Lover know she has it in her. They support her all the way.”

Lonnie: “She does work hard! But phone calls, emails, and daily life keep dragging her out of the story.”

Wolfe: “Stop looking at it from a feminine point of view. She has to let all that go. Set priorities. This book is more important. For God’s sake, woman, it is our story and must be written.”

Lonnie: “Now you’re being a typical male and losing sight of what this match is all about.”

Sloane: “Stop it! You two “characters” aren’t helping the situation. I’ll grant this is your story. Do you want the damned thing told right or just thrown out there?”

Lonnie and Wolfe yell together: “Of course we want it down right!”

Wolfe: “It is our one chance to be heard in this world before we’re tucked on some shelf for eternity.”

Sloane: “Then shut up and listen to the contenders.”

The three people turn back to the ring with earnest anticipation.

Mentor: “If she’s going to write an action scene in a male point of view, then she has to let Wolfe tell what he sees.”

Wolfe whispering into the microphone says: “The Mentor knows what she is talking about.”

Lonnie and Sloane: “SHUT UP!”

Lover: “I agree. But now the scene is so scary that the only resolution is for the car to go over the cliff. That leaves very little choice for erotica to follow on the heels of a flaming car. And she’s making Wolfe look like a Klutz, with all that slipping and sliding. He’s strong and should be portrayed as such”

Mentor: I know it’s hard to get his personality to take over the scene, but I didn’t teach her writing was easy. It’s a damn tough business and if she doesn’t get it right she’ll be labeled a hack.”

Lover: “Hey, my baby is not a hack so don’t go that route.” The Lover shakes his head. “It is a lot harder to write than I thought. But she’s good at it.”

Wolfe: “What is going on out there?”

Lonnie: “It looks like the ring girls are carrying a table and two chairs to the center of the ring.”

Wolfe: “This is certainly unprecedented. Am I seeing correctly? The Mentor and Lover are shaking hands? NO! The Lover is quiting?”

Lonnie: “You pompous Alpha – he’s not caving. Look again. They’re in a deep discussion. Wait! The ring girl is bringing them a copy of the scene and two blue pencils.”

Wolfe: “NO! They’re going to edit us!”

Lonnie: “Be patient. Don’t forget the Author has the last say.”

Wolfe: “I am going out there.”

Lonnie: “Wolfe, I don’t think that’s a good idea. They look like they don’t want to be interrupted. Their heads are together as if they are collaborating.”

Wolfe: “They have called over the referee. He’s going to make an announcement.”

Lonnie: “Oh my, this must be serious. The Mentor and the Lover have their gloves off and are shaking hands.”

Announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen, the Mentor and the Lover have reached an agreement without throwing a punch. The have decided the Author is the true winner if she does four major changes to the scene;

1. Keep it in Wolfe’s POV – seeing and hearing only what he does – no author intrusion.
2. Remove all the sexy bits – not even one hint – until they are driving down the mountain .
3. Have Wolfe realize the scene is not as life threatening as it is now written.
4. Follow through on his true character and lose the the Three Stooges aspect.

And the crowd goes wild with applause.

The Lover throws his arm around the Mentor’s shoulder as they walk a neutral corner.

Lover: “How about a going for a drink and we can discuss that scene in chapter five that’s been nagging me more than the Author?”

Mentor: “Sounds good. Then let’s take a look at the restaurant scene. The Author is soooo unprepared. Who goes out to eat without money?”

The Lover holds up the rope for the Mentor to slip under then waves to Lonnie and Wolfe.

Lover: “Would you two like to come along? We could use your input.”

Lonnie and Wolfe hastily excuse themselves and run to catch up to the Mentor and Lover.

Sloane: “Hello! I’m the one with the car keys!”

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12 Responses to “ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  1. Beth Anderson Says:

    How funny and original is THAT! And you little rat, you stole my idea before I even verbalized it. I’ve been thinking about interviewing my two leads in my next two blogs, just to get things rolling on the book promo. This week I already blogged on my Advice to the Love-Crazed with this poor little girl who…oh, but enough about me. Your blog is HILARIOUS, and SO true. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hey, Studs, where are we going for dinner? I have car keys too! ๐Ÿ˜‰
    GREAT blog, Sloane,
    Love, Hotclue

  2. Jenna Says:

    Oh my god that was brilliant! Hilarious.

    (bows to the queen).

    Freakin’ brilliant.

  3. T.A. Chase Says:

    wonderful blog, Sloane. ๐Ÿ™‚ And it sounds like you got some problems worked out. Of course, my characters would probably start fighting with each other and the people trying to help. They’re an ornery lot.

  4. Sloane Says:

    Beth, Jenna, and T.A.,

    Glad you liked the blog. Didn’t even realize it was humorous. I feel GREAT. Can’t wait to get back to writing.

    Okay Hotclue! You leave Studs alone. The man is mine, I tell you.

    Jenna, YOU are the DIVA, so by rights you are the QUEEN.

    T.A. Beth has a sturdy 2×4 that will get your characters in shape PRONTO. Check out her site. I think you’ll like it.

  5. Sherrill Quinn Says:

    Sloane, I’m here a day late and a dollar (or two) short, but I’m glad I stopped by. This was such a great blog! Thanks for the laugh. And I’m glad it helped you, too. LOL

  6. Sloane Says:

    Hey, Ms. Sherrill, I appreciate your stopping by.

    I apologize for slacking off on ya’lls site. I have been a bad girl. So, how’s the whip with the purple feathers?

  7. Sherrill Quinn Says:

    Whip’s in hand and ready to go if needed…

  8. Yasmine Phoenix Says:

    Did someone say whip? Add some cream and I’ll be right over. I leave you alone for a couple of weeks, and look what I come back to! A genius, a writing genius. Try to keep the Mentor and Lover apart, cause if they get together, you’ll be locked in your cozy home with food being slipped under the door.

  9. Yasmine Phoenix Says:

    Hey! Wait a minute! How much did you SAY the Mentor weighed!!

  10. Sloane Says:

    Sherrill, the whip sounds good and I’ve been such a bad girl…

    Yasmine, food slipped under the door? Never have to face the world? Just write? Where do I sign up!

    Less cracks about the Mentor, Baby. You still have a novel to be edited. lol.

  11. Bridget Laine Says:

    That was genius! Thanks Sloane!

  12. Sloane Says:

    You’re very welcome, Bridget. Thank you for stopping by and commenting!