December 20, 2005

And then along came Jones…

Just a gigolo everywhere he’ll go is our very own Forrest Landry (check out his blog at forrest-landry.blogspot.com, dry wit is his specialty) who has joined the That Whores and come out to admit he is an And Then Gigolo. So Forrest, today is dedicated to help you shake your habit or else it’s the 2×4 with spikes. What can I do? I teach these authors everything I know and they still know nothing!

And then along came Jones… Good line if you like the Coasters’ old song but in writing it’s a major no-no. And then is a filler and shows a lack of writing ability. If you want to be a published writer you must know your grammar.

Let’s look at an example;

Jeff stood, shoved back his chair, and then stomped from the restaurant.

It should read;

Jeff stood, shoved back his chair, and stomped from the restaurant.

OR

Jeff stood, shoved back his chair, then stomped from the restaurant.

Either way works and is grammatically correct. By using and along with then your throwing in an unnecessary word which makes the sentence weak and unprofessional.

Here’s the thing, we all speak one way but must write another. We use all kinds of word combinations Webster would freak over. Hey, he’s dead so who cares? Your editor, dear author, the person you want to impress with your vast talent. Kick the habit and it will help you get published.

Back to the highlighters and yet another new color! Will the excitement never end?

Go through your manuscript marking every and then .

Re-read each sentence using and or then. You might be surprised to discover neither word is necessary as a comma may suffice.

Don’t lose heart. My first mss reminder me of kindergarten and the first finger painting class. I used every color in the spectrum and then some. I should have framed a few pages from that old mss. They would have served as a healthy reminder of how far I’ve come.

Tomorrow we’ll work on backstory and controlling it. Until then, Happy Writing!

Sloane

December 19, 2005

And that’s about that!

As promised I’ll explain the That Whores, Jenna Howard and Sherrill Quinn. Check out their sites on the links page. These two fine authors have just come out of the closet admitting a that lust. I’m proud of you little Vixens. It took incredible inner strength to admit you have a problem. Now quit using it improperly before I beat the hell out of you both with the 2×4.

See the title of this blog? That’s the correct usage of the word. That is defined as the one mentioned, indicated, or understood. So if you write;

There was an important English test in Johnny’s class yesterday. The one boy that sweated over that test was really stupid.

You’ve almost got it but the sentence should read;

There was an important English test in Johnny’s class yesterday. The one boy who sweated over that test was really stupid.

That refers to a specific test therefore it is correct grammar.

Another incorrect example is;

He glanced up and saw that mounting passion had tinged her cheeks.

It should read;

He glanced up and saw mounting passion had tinged her cheeks.

Yes, I know there’s an ‘ing’ word but sometimes they are necessary.

That can also refer to people replacing who and whom. You should only use that in this manner if your characters are talking, as in the example below.

“The man that saw you is kind of cute,” she said with a wink.

We could go on forever with examples but you have the idea and it’s time to shrink your manuscript even more. You get to use a new highlighter color! Aren’t you excited?

Go through your mss and mark all the that’s.
Re-read each sentence aloud omitting that. You’ll be surprised how much better the sentence will sound.

It’s very important you break yourself of the that habit. It shows a lack of professional writing skill and English grammar. Editors don’t like writers who are lacking.

Sloane

December 16, 2005

Honey, I Shrunk My MSS!

Today is adjective day. Wait your turn you ‘that’whores until Monday. My sweet ‘and then’ gigilo, you have to wait for Tuesday. To everyone else reading here, I’ll explain on the above mentioned days about these insane people.

Adjectives are necesssary when you write, but they are a tool you must keep in control. They are best used in love scenes or when you need to soften the character’s thoughts or deeds.

Following is an example of what not to do;

Her hands were flying, tossing everything into the drawers.

It should read;

Her hands flew as she tossed the clothes into the drawers.

The new sentence is clearer and shows more action. Look on the bright side; your reader won’t stop mid-book to run for the toilet and it’s one less reason for the editor to send you the standard form rejection slip.

Go through your mss with a highlighter in a different color than you used for the adverbs. You’ll love the how pretty your pages look. I guarantee, unless you’ve had some serious 2×4 time, there will be an inordinate number of highlights.

Poor Beth just about pulled the last of her blonde hair out when she read my first draft with all the flowery crap. The dear hung in there and taught me to slowly read aloud, sentence by sentence, what I’d written. If the line was sing-song or gagable, it got a rewrite or the axe. Believe me, it won’t kill you to delete.

To thank her for all her hard work, and it was, I sent her a bouquet from the florist. The card was signed by ‘Ly’ and ‘Ing’. Her husband wasn’t happy and wanted to know, “Who the hell is this Ingly guy, and why’s he sending you flowers?”

Have a great week-end and I’ll be back Monday.

Sloane

December 15, 2005

Lose Those Old Friends

Let’s talk about adverbs.

When I first started writing fiction, mystery crime writer Beth Anderson foolishly offered to read my WIP. Beth noted many first-timer mistakes and made it her job to teach me. A better day there has never been. She laboriously went through the mss marking all the corrections in thick red ink. At the end of it all she wrote me a note apologizing if she had hurt my feelings.

Not a snowball’s chance. It was the best education I’d ever received because Beth took the time to explain how adverbs weaken the sentence and feel of the scene unless it’s an emotional time for the H/H.

Here’s an example of what not to do;

“You can be very outspoken,” he softly commented while tenderly reaching for her hand.

Makes you want to stick your finger down your throat doesn’t it? Imagine if there were twenty-five plus ‘ly’ words on the same page. Bad ratio to the 250 words on every typed manuscript page.

This is what it now reads;

“You can be very outspoken,” he said as he reached for her hand.

Simple, cleancut, and ready for the editor. Here’s the solution;

Go through your WIP.

Highlight every adverb in the color of your choice.

Re-read your sentences, one at a time. Can you say it better, smoother, stronger by eliminating the dreaded “ly”?

Keep your adverbs to two a page and only if they are necessary. Chances are you can and your novel with be a thousand percent better.

Sloane

December 14, 2005

As Time Goes By

Sometimes in our individual world sadness abounds. There’s nothing we can do to alter the course of the universe and stop certain events from happening. It’s just a simple fact of life.

Nine years ago this evening, 6:05p.m. central standard time, I lost my best friend, my lover, the man who had filled my soul. My husband.

This is a day I have no humor. In my house there is no music, no cooking, only work and tears to help me get past these dreaded twenty-four hours as I hold the image of his long hours of dying close to my heart.

Every year on this day I’ve made it a point to reflect on our life and how good it was, only surpassed by a stronger effort to ignore the arguments and any negative occurances which took place. It’s amazing how those unhappy incidents have diminshed over the years.

I’m not one to hang crepe, elevate a mortal man to sainthood, but Chuck was a Good Man. He used to complain I should tell people he was well endowed, not exactly his words, or anything else but he was good. To him it meant he was boring. Nothing was farther from the truth. He’d grown up as a very poor boy in Oklahoma with a mediocre education. After years of floundering, he took charge of his life and became a man of substance, quality. He loved his life and family, especially his “Little Girl”.

Today our daughter called, to remember Dad. She was upset I seemed to have forgotten this horrible anniversary. Again, nothing was farther from the truth. We hung up not the best of friends but I could do nothing to overcome the privacy I must retain. Because you see, all I have left are the silent memories of a life now gone.

Sloane